Thougths for children and friends

Thoughts for children and friends.

February 2010

A friend has recently heard that her beloved mother has developed cancer. I got to thinking of what to say to her.

Cancer is a nasty journey that in some way has touched all of us. Either a friend or a family member. News of it can be devastating, probably more to friends than to the ‘patient’. One can be at a loss for words on what to say and how to behave. One cannot give them a hug and say "Dont worry, everything will be okay'. It will not be 'okay'. It will be a hard journey. But with loving support from friends, the journey can be made easier, the pain can be lessened.

The best way to handle it is to try not to weep and wail and show sorrow. Yes, be kind, gentle, compassionate and understanding but life goes on and one does not want sadness to envelope one when already coping with the journey not asked for. What a treat it is to have friends pop in to visit, perhaps make a cup of tea, perhaps share a plate of cookies, or a meal, pop a few home grown flowers in a vase, and to talk about funny memories and wonderous stories going back years and almost forgotten.

From both sides it is important to tell each other what you all mean in ones life, make sure your children and friends know how much you love and admire them and what they mean to you. The true British/English ‘stiff upper lip’ and reserve so many of us were born to, regards any show of sentiment and emotion as a sign of weakness….that is BS must be squashed. Feelings and love must be shared openly.

With older family members and friends, ask questions of their childhood and memories. When it comes to parents, be sure you ask about gran and grandfather and great grandparents and where your roots lie. Usually those questions arise when it is too late and they lie buried deep, never to be known. I so regret not questioning my parents about so many things. Their stories and answers will never be known. One never thinks one will eventually be orphaned and lose our parents.

Enjoy your time together, feel blessed and honored that this loved one has been part of your life, and now ‘the journey’ will also be shared.